HomeSmart

Home Adaptations for Independent Living

Blog

« Back to Blog « Older Entry | Newer Entry »

Talking to Your Aging Parents

Posted on February 4, 2012 at 1:10 PM
   Many of us are facing the similar issue of getting our aging parent(s) to acknowledge that they need some help in their home.  More often than not it’s a frustrating “locking of horns” as we try to persuade our parent that it is no longer safe or feasible for them to live without assistance, whether it’s help with cleaning and cooking, bill paying, driving, or any of the normal activities of daily living.  
 
   The difficulty starts in even knowing how to approach the subject, let alone meeting all their ready objections.  Denial and control are the key elements here, so the objections are multiple and range from “I’m don’t need any help” to “I don’t want to spend the money.”  I’ve had seniors who have been hospitalized for falling, tell me that they know for certain they will not fall again and therefore do not need non-slip flooring or grab bars.  They simply will be more careful.  
 
   Recently I spoke with a daughter, who lives in California, about installing some additional safety aides for her father, a 99 yr old living in Florida.  Her dad had been hospitalized three or four times in the past year for falling and yet refused to use a walker or allow grab bars to be installed in his home. As she explained to me, “If there was nothing to help him, that’s one thing.  But I’m starting to resent having to drop everything to jump on a plane and fly cross country to the hospital when there are options that would help prevent his falls.”  
   
   My sister, brother, and I have had numerous conversations about the best way to broach the topic with our own parents.  We’ve debated whether, out of respect we should only gently press an issue or, out of concern we should push forward to do what needs to be done.  I’ve had similar discussions with the adult kids of my clients.  At some point or another, everyone struggles with how long to beat around the bush before taking control and forcing a solution.  
  
   I’ve spoken to case managers, clinical social workers, psychologists and gerontologists for some expert guidance in this matter.  Their compounded wisdom suggests we consider the following when trying to help our aging parents:

First, don’t barge in and dictate that which you think needs to be done.  Find a quiet time to talk with your parent and explain why you are concerned. Encourage their response, stay open minded, and listen carefully.  

Make the conversation positive and emphasize that if they are proactive and act before there is a crisis, they stand a better chance of retaining control and  independence.

Find out how you can help them by understanding what options they might be considering and what their objectives are.

Do not push them to accept your assessment but rather give them sufficient time to form their own  conclusions.  

Be prepared to prioritize and negotiate the changes you believe need to be made.

Use trusted advisers or other family members for support.  Sometimes it just takes the right person or personality to allow for a dialogue without emotionality or defensiveness. 

Don’t just state the problem – help them find solutions.  Do some research in advance so that you know what resources and agencies are available in their community.   Obtain contact information, brochures, financial costs, etc. so that your conversation with your parents can be realistic.

   Most often there’s more than one way to handle any given situation.  Your parents may be far more ready to listen if you can present a variety of choices to them, allowing them to make the decision for their own well being.



Susan Luxenberg
President
HomeSmart LLC


 
 
 

Categories: Other Resources

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

681 Comments

Reply hermannbluff
9:13 PM on August 28, 2013 
This is very interesting, You're a very skilled blogger. I've joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your wonderful post. Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks!
Reply cheap jordans
7:57 AM on January 7, 2022 
I intended to compose you that little remark in order to thank you yet again just for the lovely opinions you have featured above. It is certainly pretty open-handed with people like you to make openly all a lot of folks would've supplied as an e book to generate some money for themselves, particularly considering that you might well have done it in the event you wanted. The creative ideas in addition worked to be a great way to comprehend other individuals have the identical fervor the same as my own to know more and more pertaining to this condition. I'm certain there are thousands of more enjoyable moments up front for folks who read carefully your site.
cheap jordans http://www.cheapjordan.us
Reply golden goose shoes
7:59 AM on January 7, 2022 
Thank you a lot for providing individuals with remarkably splendid opportunity to read articles and blog posts from this web site. It is always so kind plus full of a great time for me personally and my office acquaintances to search your web site on the least three times a week to read through the latest stuff you will have. And indeed, I'm also actually astounded with the fabulous creative ideas you give. Certain two tips on this page are certainly the finest we have had.
golden goose shoes http://www.goldengooseshoes.us.org
Reply kobe byrant shoes
7:59 AM on January 7, 2022 
My wife and i felt so fulfilled when Emmanuel could conclude his survey out of the ideas he got while using the blog. It's not at all simplistic just to find yourself releasing hints which usually a number of people could have been making money from. And we also already know we've got you to give thanks to for that. Those explanations you've made, the simple web site menu, the friendships you will give support to engender - it's got most overwhelming, and it's making our son in addition to us imagine that the situation is entertaining, which is certainly exceedingly essential. Thank you for all!
kobe byrant shoes http://www.kobe-shoes.us.com
Reply air jordan
8:02 AM on January 7, 2022 
I have to voice my gratitude for your kindness in support of persons that need help with this particular concept. Your personal dedication to getting the message up and down came to be surprisingly advantageous and have consistently permitted regular people much like me to realize their pursuits. Your new interesting facts means so much to me and even further to my office colleagues. Regards; from each one of us.
air jordan http://www.jordanshoes.us
Reply supreme clothing
2:34 PM on January 8, 2022 
Thanks a lot for providing individuals with a very brilliant chance to read from this website. It's usually so pleasant and stuffed with fun for me and my office mates to search your blog nearly 3 times weekly to study the new tips you have. And of course, we are always contented with the very good guidelines you give. Selected 4 areas in this posting are in fact the most beneficial we have ever had.
supreme clothing http://www.supremes-clothing.com
Reply kd 12
2:34 PM on January 8, 2022 
My husband and i got quite more than happy that Emmanuel could finish up his web research through the precious recommendations he gained out of the blog. It is now and again perplexing to simply always be giving freely instructions that many a number of people could have been trying to sell. And we recognize we have you to appreciate for that. All the explanations you made, the easy site menu, the relationships you will aid to foster - it is all fantastic, and it's really assisting our son and us believe that that idea is entertaining, and that is very important. Thank you for the whole thing!
kd 12 http://www.kd12.org
Reply golden goose
2:35 PM on January 8, 2022 
My spouse and i were very contented that Albert managed to carry out his basic research out of the ideas he got out of your web pages. It's not at all simplistic to simply choose to be giving away helpful tips people today may have been making money from. And we all discover we need you to appreciate for that. Most of the explanations you have made, the straightforward web site navigation, the friendships you will assist to engender - it is mostly powerful, and it's really facilitating our son and our family understand this subject is excellent, and that's exceedingly pressing. Thank you for all the pieces!
golden goose http://www.goldengooseoutletonline.us.com
Reply supreme hoodie
2:36 PM on January 8, 2022 
I have to get across my appreciation for your generosity in support of folks who absolutely need help on your content. Your personal commitment to passing the solution all around turned out to be especially useful and have frequently allowed regular people like me to get to their goals. Your entire warm and friendly hints and tips can mean a lot to me and substantially more to my peers. Thank you; from all of us.
supreme hoodie http://www.supremeclothings.us.com
Reply cheap jordans
6:17 PM on January 8, 2022 
My spouse and i got very glad Albert managed to do his inquiry using the ideas he was given out of your web site. It's not at all simplistic to just happen to be giving out secrets that many other folks might have been trying to sell. Therefore we recognize we have the writer to thank for this. Most of the illustrations you've made, the straightforward blog navigation, the relationships you can assist to instill - it's everything extraordinary, and it is letting our son in addition to the family recognize that this matter is satisfying, and that's particularly pressing. Thanks for everything!
cheap jordans http://www.jordansforcheap.us.com
Reply kawhi leonard shoes
6:18 PM on January 8, 2022 
I have to show appreciation to this writer just for bailing me out of this matter. After looking through the online world and coming across techniques that were not pleasant, I was thinking my entire life was gone. Being alive without the presence of strategies to the issues you have sorted out through your entire write-up is a critical case, as well as those that might have badly damaged my entire career if I hadn't noticed your blog. Your primary competence and kindness in maneuvering every item was very useful. I'm not sure what I would have done if I had not encountered such a step like this. I can now look ahead to my future. Thanks a lot very much for this high quality and results-oriented guide. I won't hesitate to recommend the website to anybody who needs and wants counselling on this situation.
kawhi leonard shoes http://www.kawhileonardshoes.us
Reply yeezy boost 500
6:19 PM on January 8, 2022 
I am just writing to make you be aware of what a fantastic encounter our princess had checking your blog. She realized lots of issues, which include what it's like to possess a very effective helping style to get many people without difficulty completely grasp selected complex subject areas. You truly exceeded readers' expected results. Thank you for presenting these warm and helpful, safe, informative and even easy tips about that topic to Tanya.
yeezy boost 500 http://www.yeezy-500.us.com
Reply kd shoes
6:20 PM on January 8, 2022 
I enjoy you because of your entire effort on this web page. My mum delights in engaging in research and it's simple to grasp why. A number of us hear all of the dynamic manner you render rewarding strategies via your web site and therefore inspire response from the others on this topic while our own daughter is without a doubt being taught so much. Take pleasure in the remaining portion of the year. You are always performing a remarkable job.
kd shoes http://www.kevindurant-shoes.us.com
Reply supreme clothing
6:20 PM on January 8, 2022 
My wife and i were so happy that Edward could round up his reports with the precious recommendations he grabbed from your web page. It is now and again perplexing to simply always be offering procedures which often people today might have been making money from. And we fully grasp we now have you to thank for that. The explanations you've made, the easy website menu, the friendships your site make it easier to instill - it's got mostly remarkable, and it is assisting our son and us reckon that that article is excellent, which is pretty fundamental. Thank you for all!
supreme clothing http://www.supremes-clothing.com
Reply kyrie 6
6:21 PM on January 8, 2022 
I wanted to post you that tiny word in order to say thank you over again just for the amazing tricks you've shared in this article. It was really strangely open-handed of you to provide extensively precisely what a number of people would've marketed for an ebook to generate some profit for themselves, and in particular seeing that you could have tried it if you ever considered necessary. Those inspiring ideas also served to become a good way to know that many people have the identical zeal the same as my personal own to learn great deal more regarding this problem. I am certain there are a lot more pleasurable sessions ahead for many who examine your blog post.
kyrie 6 http://www.kyrie6.org
Reply nike off whtie
6:21 PM on January 8, 2022 
My wife and i have been really fortunate when Emmanuel could complete his web research through the entire precious recommendations he came across through the web pages. It is now and again perplexing to just be giving out procedures which some other people might have been selling. We figure out we have the blog owner to thank for this. All the illustrations you've made, the straightforward web site navigation, the relationships you will help to foster - it's got many fabulous, and it is aiding our son in addition to our family know that this issue is satisfying, which is unbelievably fundamental. Many thanks for the whole thing!
nike off whtie http://www.nikexoffwhite.com
Reply supreme
11:48 PM on January 9, 2022 
I wanted to compose a simple message to be able to appreciate you for some of the amazing suggestions you are giving on this website. My time consuming internet search has now been honored with incredibly good facts to write about with my colleagues. I 'd repeat that most of us readers are definitely blessed to dwell in a great website with very many lovely individuals with insightful basics. I feel rather blessed to have seen the web page and look forward to really more exciting minutes reading here. Thanks once more for everything.
supreme http://www.supremeclothing.us.org
Reply chrome hearts online store
6:36 AM on January 11, 2022 
I wish to voice my love for your kind-heartedness giving support to women who really need help on this important area of interest. Your special commitment to passing the message all over ended up being astonishingly valuable and has in every case helped women like me to arrive at their aims. Your entire warm and friendly help implies much a person like me and further more to my office workers. Warm regards; from all of us.
chrome hearts online store http://www.chromeheartstoreonline.com
Reply lebron 18
6:37 AM on January 11, 2022 
I have to get across my love for your kind-heartedness in support of visitors who actually need guidance on the study. Your very own commitment to getting the solution up and down turned out to be pretty beneficial and has consistently encouraged others much like me to reach their aims. Your own interesting help and advice denotes much a person like me and further more to my fellow workers. Thanks a ton; from everyone of us.
lebron 18 http://www.lebron18.net
Reply off white shoes
12:15 PM on January 12, 2022 
I wish to show my thanks to you just for rescuing me from such a instance. Right after surfing around throughout the the web and meeting ways that were not pleasant, I figured my life was over. Living minus the approaches to the difficulties you have fixed all through this review is a crucial case, and the ones that might have adversely affected my career if I had not noticed your web site. Your main capability and kindness in controlling all areas was tremendous. I don't know what I would've done if I had not come across such a solution like this. It's possible to now relish my future. Thanks a lot very much for the high quality and result oriented guide. I will not think twice to propose the blog to any individual who wants and needs guidance about this area.
off white shoes http://www.offwhites.us.com

Categories

HomeSmart LLC | [email protected] | 7613 Sierra Dr W Boca Raton , FL , 33433 USA | Phone 5616996079 Fax 8884646110

/
Lightbox image